Back Again

I hate it when I can't seem to find the right words to put on this page even though I have many thoughts that I want to put down. I know I have disappointed a couple of readers (wow, it feels good to say that - like I have many! :) ) who have been wondering whether this blog is dead. It isn't, it's just that my writing mood is not so alive. It has been 4 months since the last entry. And nothing significant has happened in the last 4 months I guess. No, I shouldn't say that. Many things of significance happened, but I couldn't put the thoughts down. May be I was burying my emotions - didn't want to think too much lest I become the old emotional me. A dear friend's father passed away, and through the period before the death, and after too, I too was affected. I felt his sadness, the pain of not being able to more than just to comfort his father. I felt his hollowness when the inevitable happened. I felt his grief. I don't know whether he saw it in my voice (as our contacts have been limited by phone calls) but I grieved too. It reminded me of the frustration, pain and grief I felt when I was losing my grandma and my sister. and I kept telling him that only time will heal and what will be left behind are the sweet memories of the departed. A cliche I know, but I went through it not once but twice and it really was like that. I guess God equipped us with that ability to sift and retain only the good memories. I saw 3 deaths of family members of people around me in the span of 3 days a couple of months ago, his dad's included. I saw the pain in each family. I am reminded of what I went through. And of how fragile I am. My only wish when I go is that I go peacefully, and I don't inconvenient others I leave behind. And that I will be forgiven for my errs.